One of my clients recently received 360 feedback that surprised him—in a good way. Colleagues described someone they trusted deeply. They wanted more of him: more presence, more voice, more instinct in action. He felt encouraged AND challenged.
What hit him was that his default mode—thoughtful, measured, self-editing—was filtering out exactly what his colleagues wanted more of. Although these patterns had served him well, they were now also holding him back from the impact he wanted to have. He knew he needed to shift.
He started experimenting: catching himself in the moment when overthinking took hold, setting clear intentions before key interactions, preparing more deliberately, consciously recalling the positive reactions he’d had, and using the body to build confidence from the inside out.
He experienced real success quickly. And felt discouraged when it was harder or he couldn’t be consistent.
To show up differently, repeatedly, and against a deeply ingrained habit pattern feels uncomfortable and takes intention, attention, and effort. I asked him what he needed to summon the energy to step in, especially in those harder moments. He paused, smiled, and said: “A short interaction with another person. A positive chat, even just solving something small together.”
That landed for me. Those micro-moments, a quick exchange, a burst of shared energy, can fortify us for what comes next. They’re fuel.
Telling a friend who will encourage and hold me accountable fuels me. What gives you a boost to step into the uncomfortable moments, especially when you are going against your habit patterns?
Practices
- Identify one recurring situation where your habit pattern holds you back. Just naming it, without judgment, is the first step to working with it.
- What fuels you? Make a short list of the micro-moments, interactions, or rituals that reliably give you a boost.
Practice:
- Build fortifying moments into your day. Notice how you feel when they occur. Don’t just wait for them to happen.
- Refuel and then lean into the uncomfortable. Pick one small moment this week to go against your habit pattern, even slightly. Notice what happens. Repetition builds confidence.
Here’s an HBR article that explores why it is hard for our brains to step into new patterns and what supports us to lean in.
